Do you sense that you are held back by the pain of a traumatic experience? 

If you haven’t yet dealt with the worst period in your life, it may very well be holding you hostage. 

Maybe you don’t talk much about it. Yet the tension in your body is always there. 

Maybe other people just don’t get it. So your withdrawal or overreaction are so routine that they seem like part of who you are. 

Or perhaps the memories, pain, and anxiety just seem to linger on. Now you just feel stuck, exhausted, and empty, too affected by the hurts of your past to trust the future and move on. 

If any of this rings true, do know that you’re not alone.

It doesn’t matter if the trauma you experienced happened last week or lasted your entire childhood. It doesn’t matter if you endured abuse, tragedy, or a natural disaster. The impact of trauma can be pervasive and invasive, creating deep self-esteem problems, relationship disconnect, and emotional distress you don’t know how to resolve. 

So what can you do? 

Simply put: take time to heal.

You are a survivor and you deserve to move forward. A happier, safer, more purposeful future is not something you have to wait for or deny yourself. Your mind can recover. Your body can finally relax and release the pent up tension. You can reach out for help and get it. 

If you’re ready, these forward-moving steps to recovery can help you change your life:

1. Cultivate Compassion for Yourself through Acceptance

Too often, shame and guilt are devastating companions to trauma. You may be spending a lot of time beating yourself up for what you did or didn’t do. Or you may be worn out from denying the traumatic event ever happened. 

Either way, a lack of acceptance about the trauma and its fallout may be getting in your way.

You’re better served by being honest with yourself. Pay attention to what’s going on with you now. How much time do you spend avoiding and pretending? How many unkind words have you spoken to yourself for just feeling sad, anxious, or angry?

Acknowledge your trauma and accept your feelings. You are perfectly normal. Give yourself the gentle patience and loving-kindness you would offer a friend. You need it. Your future depends on your ability to value your own experiences, strength, and resilience. Don’t rush it or punish yourself for the way you need to grieve or the time it takes to do so. Trust the recovery process.

2. Seek Support and Deeper Connection with Other People

Trauma tends to breed distrust. Sometimes of other people, sometimes of the world in general. To move forward, it’s crucial that you refuse isolation as a coping method any longer. 

It can be tempting to withdraw to avoid triggers and discomfort. It likely seems far safer to hide rather than face people who might be unsafe or who may not understand what you’re going through. But giving in to those concerns will not get you what you need most right now: a connected life. 

Forward-moving people belong with other people. Allowing others to encourage and support you can help you maintain a healthier perspective and a sense of hope.

Remember, you don’t have to share your trauma all at once and you don’t have to do it with everyone. Simply allow yourself the freedom to be with people who see you and are willing to listen when you’re ready. Listeners may take the form of a support group, friends or family or members of a faith group. Whoever you choose, just reach out a little at a time.

3. Infuse Your Life with Respite, Relaxation, and Reflection

Depression and anxiety are entirely normal reactions to a traumatic experience. 

Still, you needn’t stay in such painful places indefinitely. 

To deal with negative thought patterns, memories and unproductive behavior, be intentional with your time and energy. Try the following:

• Challenge yourself to be more mindful of your activities. 

• Schedule respite self-care. Do what you love and don’t apologize for it. 

• Make time daily for relaxation. Long walks, coffee dates, or meditation can calm wound up emotions. 

• Reflect privately in a journal or express yourself creatively. Finding ways to express your feelings is both cathartic and validating. It’s also a good way to notice triggers and your own responses over time.

4. Seek Help from a Compassionate Professional 

Talking to someone can help. Trauma counseling can help dissolve the trauma-induced energy built up in your body.  Seeing a counselor is the best way to explore your trauma and its effect on your nervous system in a safe space. Therapy can help you feel less victimized and more empowered as you understand how and why your body is responding the way it is.

Together, we can explore the events that altered your thinking and help you reframe it optimally. Moreover, we can set positive goals to help you move forward by developing tools to rebuild your confidence and your relationships. Function and healthy progress are entirely possible.

Please read more about trauma counseling and contact me today for a consultation. You may discover that our work together can afford you a happier life filled with more peace and meaning.